Look, I’m no expert. Just a guy who’s spent the last decade learning how to carry a heavy weight without dropping it. People keep saying things like, “You’re doing great now,” or “Time heals all wounds,” like grief’s some kind of broken lightbulb you just swap out. It’s not.
Here’s what I figured out: Integration Over Time isn’t about getting over it. It’s about learning to live with it. You don’t just “move on.” You learn to carry the weight in your shoulder, not your whole body. Some days, the weight feels like a boulder. Other days, it’s just a backpack you forget you’re wearing.
Common misunderstanding? That grief should fade neatly, like a stain washed out of a shirt. Nah. It’s more like learning to walk again after a leg injury. You don’t suddenly run a marathon. You take one step. Then another. Some days, you stumble. Some days, you’re steady. But you keep moving forward, not away from the pain.
Why does this matter? Because when people tell you to “just be happy now” or “get over it,” they’re not helping. They’re making you feel broken for still feeling it. But the truth is: feeling the loss and living your life isn’t a contradiction. It’s the work. It’s showing up for your kid’s soccer game even when your chest aches. It’s fixing a leaky faucet without crying over the memory of your wife humming while she did it.
You don’t “integrate” grief in a week or a year. You do it in the small, stubborn choices: making coffee for the kids, not skipping the grocery run, letting yourself cry and then wiping your face and doing the next thing.
So if you’re hurting, don’t apologize for still hurting. Don’t rush yourself to “be done.” The pain isn’t the enemy—it’s the proof you loved deeply. And integration? It’s just learning to hold both the love and the loss, one breath at a time.
You just do the next thing.
— Jimmy Hawkins, just a dad figuring it out
Written by Jimmy Hawkins — 12:23, 14 January 2026 (CST)